The Queer Burden
Being a Queer person often comes with the unsolicited burden of educating others. Being a Trans person, I have found out that usually includes other members of the LGBT+ umbrella as well as the rest of the world. Daily I am asked questions, both appropriate and not, and eventually I got exhausted. Exhausted of repeating myself as well as being made uncomfortable. It felt like there was nowhere to hide from the invasive or rudimentary inquires of the CISgendered world. I asked everyone in my life to anonymously ask me questions about being Transgender. I answered each and every one of them while trying to give perspective about what curiosities are acceptable to act on. I wrote my response down as well as making a video answering some of the highlights. I have been so pleased with the reaction I received as well as the information and awareness I was able to spread. This project has helped me understand how well intentioned my immediate circle is, as well as make an extremely positive impact on my relationships. Beyond that, it has reached people outside of my small bubble, which is more than I ever hoped for. Here is the video and here is the full Q&A, please feel free to view, read, or share. If you choose to do any of that, thank you so much for taking the time and for hearing me.
After I posted the video, I was so pleased with how many people, after watching, understood that it was not my duty to do something like this. I saw a great deal of people take responsibility for their lack of understanding and were genuinely thankful that I had taken the time to explain. This had been what I wanted people to know and understand, but it also served as a mirror into my own “wokeness.” It didn’t fully hit me until one day, my girlfriend and I were talking about singing technique. I’m embarrassed to admit we were discussing that and I know they seem very unrelated, but we were discussing how many people do very unhealthy things with their voices purely out of lack of knowledge. I started to think about the privilege of being a musical theatre major and being able to know what healthy singing was. I then began to think of my IKEA furniture. I know this again seems really unrelated, but if a carpenter or handyman or even just a well rounded individual saw me attempting what felt like my personal Everest, how many minuscule things would they catch me doing wrong that I have no clue about because I hadn’t even thought to educate myself? I thought of it on a bigger scale. I have a very close friend with invisible disabilities who in fact inspired me to make the Q&A. She was telling me how she did something similar for the people in her life because everywhere she goes, disabilities are incredibly ignored. I’m embarrassed to say I had barely ever thought about disabilities further than wheelchair ramps and was shocked to find out how much even THAT isn’t accounted for in everyday American life. I thought of the Women’s March and how the emphasis on “pussy” equating to womanhood either alienated Trans-women or included Trans-men in a way we did not want and CIS white women were getting a lot of heat for it. I took this issue with a grain of salt, because I know the March’s mission statement was inclusion and we as a country are just now starting to figure out how many people we are accidentally alienating. If it's not my responsibility to educate people, then how is it also not my responsibility to know about every marginalized community and the micro-aggression they face, especially without hearing a first hand experience? If I don’t know somebody from one of those communities, how do I know they exist? How can I possibly always include the entire world?
I often feel the Trans community generally is not thought about, and in the name of equality I think it’s incredibly important to change that, but there are endless other communities in a similar position. What I’m trying to say is: We all have blind spots. Way more than we think. We cannot possibly know everything and possibly we are holding ourselves to an unrealistic standard. Yes, I’m Trans so my awareness of Trans issues and sensitivity is far greater than an average CIS person, the same way as a singer I am more attuned to vocal technique, but how can I expect a carpenter to use proper placement when I can’t even think of a parallel because I know nothing about carpentry? That is why the burden unfortunately does fall on minorities to do a little (and in most cases a lot) of educating and awareness spreading. I began to notice how much I lean on first hand experience for education, the very thing I was advocating for myself. There is so much we don’t know we’re missing and so much we don’t realize we’re doing. If I thought back on everything I’ve ever done, I’m sure I’ve done exactly what I preach not to do. Unfortunately, that makes the burden rest on minorities to have them show us what we’ve been missing.
As we reach the end of this article, I’m sorry I don’t have an answer to take the burden away. I also don’t mean to encourage leaning on minorities, once you are taught a little, you must also do your part to understand. But I don’t know how to suddenly become aware of things I never considered other than looking for them. That’s the only advice I have: open your mind to see the hidden issues as well as be aware that something you know a lot about, might be a foreign concept to a lot of people and vice versa. And after years of anger and feeling invisible as a Trans male in this world, I’m ready to say I’ve been so busy with my frustration, I didn’t realize how big of a hypocrite I was being. It is unfair for the burden to fall on the oppressed, but maybe it’s about changing our outlook. Yes, I have to repeat myself and people don’t always understand or get it right, but perhaps it is payment for all the infinite times in my life where I will be the student. Keep your eyes and your minds open folk, the world has infinite problems we must start advocating for. Thanks for reading!
